Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
