hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
