If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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