I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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