Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
