I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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