you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
