I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
