Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
