is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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