Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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