I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
