I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
