I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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