Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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