If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize