Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
