everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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