So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
