I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dear god my vagina.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
