You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
