TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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