You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
