How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
