Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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