A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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