have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
