make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
