I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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