I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
