I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
