I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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