If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
