Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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