5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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