I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
