I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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