Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
