Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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