I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
