Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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