Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
