wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
