Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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