i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
