My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
