The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
