I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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