Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
