I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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