I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
