Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you had me at cake vodka
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize