Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
