All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
