At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
