When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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