hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
