Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
