Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
