Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
