She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
