Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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