lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
