Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
