SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
