Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize