so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
