Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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