If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
