Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
