ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
