If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
