i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
