The maid of honor just puked.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
