do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
