Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
