I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
