its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
