i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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