How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
