sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You are the jesus of drinking
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
