even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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