I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
