Is it because I queefed?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
