so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
