pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize