Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
