is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
