but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
