I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
