if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
