Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
