Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
