Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
