How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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