A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
