Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
