somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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