So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize