I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
