You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
