I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
