I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
