You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
